runmaster

Been awhile

Harder than fiction

Typhoid mary

Only fools and horses

crazy.

a farewell

The truth

winter of our discontent

Dear allison stokke

Foamy

Money, that's what I want.

Poor Allison Stokke

shopping for voyeurs

... are you trying to seduce me mr wonka ?

system crash

I'm so trashy

She's doctor who ?

It was a banana !

Little miss it.

When the bough breaks.

Photo Album: Wonders of nature wallpapers

Photo Album: VG Cats

Custom List: Things you should never say at a party

Custom List: The poo list.

Custom List: Things you shouldn't say in bed.

Custom List: Messing up the pizza dude.

Custom List: Custom List

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 00:28:40 GMT

I remember the old days when I liked msn spaces ... before the dark times ... before the empire when all was fresh and I was new and life didn't quite suck as much as it does now that microsoft has to fiddle with the exact same things day in and day out with no end in sight just to annoy those who use their products.

I must admit, being of a tainted ilk is a funny place to be given that I was once very happy to play games and surf the net and now I look at the computer with loathing and hatred with no pangs or desires to hook up online and as far as games go ... even final fantasy 12 doesn't get played, now days I read, watch discovery science and take very long drives hoping that a magic door will open up and I would rediscover the old me that liked to play and have the same ammount of fun that I used to.

My web friends must hate me ... I'm sure, with this attitude of mine towards electronica blah spilling over into my online social skills and I can only hope that they realise that I will be back one day full on and ready to go at it again as soon as I centre my inner demons and find peace and harmony and all that rubbish. lol

The fact that my future is up in the air and where am I going to be next year remaining an elusive dream doesn't make things any easier ... the housing market isn't easy to break into a second time and I am still feel apprehensive.

I only hope that when all is said and done that I never grow into one of those old cranky dudes that you see walking the streets at night talking to themselves because they have no friends.

*cries*

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 10:48:46 GMT

It has been ages since I've really been online, you can thank Final Fantasy XII for that one, sucking up every waking hour of my life till I can't remember when I last came here or spoke to friends on the net via MSN which is a pity because it's proof positive that I'm hopeless at dividing my attentions.

Oddly enough, I did try a few times to log back into here but thanks to microsofts eternal tinkerings, it was once more rendered totally useless yet again.

I remember in the old days before LIVE came out when everything worked all the time without problems.

I am trying to reach a friend of mine on MSN as I chat now and unsure if there's some problem or maybe she went on holiday or who knows ... maybe she just got tired of waiting for me to finish my games and left me.

*sigh*

There's a thought ... Man plays himself into social videogame death.

Oh well - if you are reading this my friend - am wishing you the best ... will catch up soon I hope ...

bye friends.

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 20:06:26 GMT

Typhoid mary was a cook in the USA some 100+ years ago who was told that she was an infectious carrier of typhoid yet despite the warnings and sanctions to have her isolated, she carried on as a cook knowing full well that she was diseased but not really giving a damn.

When she was isolated by force, she escaped from said isolation and changed her name untill she was once again sanctioned an forced into isolation where she promptly cared for some of the other people in the hospital thus spreading her filthy plague further. She was a killer and despite rumours that she was a saintly and caring woman ... these were all just that ... a steamy load of rancid, typhoid infected kaka.

I have a friend like this, an infectious, disease carrying friend who saw fit to infect me with the flu ... 3 damn days before I have to return to work ... 3 damn days which means that soon, I'll be forced to spread the disease myself to everyone i know.

Oddly enough, it was her partner that tried to convince me that typhoid mary was a really nice woman who throughly didn't deserve the bullet in the head that I would have given her had i been there 100 years ago.

I am riddled with nightmares of the modern day equivilant asking for a ride to her friends party ... *coff coff* went she.

Did I get a warning as her sneeze sprayed mist on my arm ?

Nope, typhoid mary rides again.

Curses.

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 11:31:41 GMT

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount

In the "Public Services", however, a range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Change riders.

2. Buy a stronger whip.

3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead Horses".

4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses.

5.  Perform a productivity study to see if lighter riders improve the dead horse's performance.

6.  Hire a contractor to ride the dead horse

7.  Harness several dead horses together in an attempt to increase the speed

8.  Provide additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.

9.  Appoint a committee to study the horse and assess how dead it actually is.

10. Re-classify the dead horse as "living-impaired".

11. Develop a Strategic Plan for the management of dead horses.

12. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for all horses.

13.  Modify existing standards to include dead horses.

14.  Declare that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line that many other horses.

15.  Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 03:34:55 GMT

It was the beginning of the last week of high school and two thirds of us didn't bother to even show up knowing that the first period was an unsupervised study and that was the last thing that happened.

We started talking about a new cartoon on the idiot box and laughed, joked, played the fool and flirted.

Suddenly, music filled the air ... one of the girls had tunes and the tunes had the beat and we all cheered in a semi-loud but reasonable way.

Some guy who we called "london", as was his surname, got up on the teachers desk and started to shake his booty about and it wasn't long before the rest of us joined him - sadly, only four guys in all.

The girls sat and cheered us on as we let ourselves fall into the zone and alan was the first to tear his shirt off.

Despite the white, pasty skin, the audience went ape shit and the remaining three of us soon followed his lead.

Rubbing, swinging our hips about and jumping about like fools had the girls get up and start their acts of simulated excitement.

On of them came up to me and undid my buckle and it wasn't more than a minute before the remaing five girls had the belts off the other three guys.

We were chuffed and all smiles and slowly undid our zips.

Screams and squeels of joy erupted from the floor as our pants dropped and we danced in our undies - happy to be alive.

The temptation was there to go on, alas - we did not.

The music ended ...

laughs turned into giggles ...

quasi nudity turned into full dress again.

Why did it happen ?

Why did we do this outragous thing ?

Because we were kids ...

we were young ...

we were free ...

and above all else ...

we knew we would never have the chance to ever do it again and if we did, it would never be the same.

The memories live on in all of us I hope, those that were there that day.

Reading my previous entry made the memories come back because if that happened today - we would all have been arrested and jailed for sure.

Bottom line is though that kids are going to do wild and crazy stuff and adults have no part in that except to temper our common sense as kids so that we know where the line is drawn and when to quit and call it a day.

Kids do not learn to kill from games and movies if they are taught where life starts and fantasy and escapisim end.

Kids will not go out and get pregnant if they know where love is and how to define the boundries and to be responsible.

Kids become adults ... kids will one day have sex if you like it or not and if you try to stop it ... it is only you that will live in the dream that your kid is pure as they go into the park bushes and back seats of cars and dark and dangerous alleys at night to fulfill their natural desires and that dream will be shattered when it all goes wrong.

So - if you are an adult with kids - let them know you understand - tell them that if they must do it ... those things that you don't want them to do ... to do it in safety at home ... be an adult and leave knowing that you have faith in the education you provided to them and show them that faith and trust.

Take them to a doctor of their same sex for a chat and leave the room so your kid can ask what they must in privacy.

Show them the way instead of letting them end up as a story in the paper about a murdered or raped teen and if they get it wrong ... show them how they got it wrong without screaming at them and then help them and support them any way that you can.

If they are gay, try to understand them even if you disagree because they would have been very afraid to tell you but did so because they respected you and your dissaproval would change nothing and would only drive them away.

There is no crime on this earth than casting out a child for no other reason than them having an opinion of their own and make their own choices.

It's called freedom.

It's called democracy.

It's called the right to live.

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 11:55:00 GMT

My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always
around in my early years but less and less as time passed by. Today I read his obituary. Please join me for a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.

Obituary by an Unknown Admirer
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life
isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It
declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion or was contemplating suicide.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't legally defend yourself from a burglar in your own home from an armed criminal and the burglar can sue you for assault should you defend yourself or your dog bite him or even if they fell over themselves in the dark or tripped down a loose step.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement ...

and the day that video games were blamed for all the evils in the world because things like murder, rape and vandalisim didn't exist in this world before they arrived to corrupt our obviously innocent and well manored children turning them into vicious criminals and thugs despite movies being blamed for the same thing before games and rock and roll music before that and books before the radio and ancient manuscripts before the books.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:20:13 GMT

Just what is the truth ?

Is it what is right for us ... or something that everybody thinks is right ... or some tosser that goes around on my mates spaces leaving their verbal poop everywhere ?

In fact, the real truth is whatever we want it to be because like time refraction, it is completly subjective to the observer.

What may be true to you may not be someone elses truth and therein lays the problem of communication by asking not what is the truth but instead of how do we convey our perceptions of what is true to us to another individual so that they understand our way of viewing the world around us.

Case in point, I know a girl that is mind numbingly shallow and self centered who is in the position of thinking that she is the centre of the universe ... that is true to her from her perspective.

To me, she is an egotistical butt pain that is about as deep as a teaspoon and this is simply catered to by her mother.

But you see, it is only and ever will be, a personal view but in itself, it lays true to me.

So, to summise - be what you want to be - believe what you like ... everyone else does, and that's the truth.

Laters kids.

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 12:13:30 GMT

Yay !

Winter is finally here, the season for lovers and in the case of men, it's the season of the favourite item of clothing.

Lovers in the sense that nobody likes to cuddle in the summer when it's all hot and muggy ...

(although hot, sweaty sex can be fun on ocassion)

... and as far as us men go, we get to pull our long loved ones out of the draw to enjoy on a cold, wintery night.

No, not the inflatable dolly - the winter woolies !

I myself have a trackydak top that is getting onto 12 years old.

It's stretched, full of holes, starting to get thin to the point that I have to wonder if it's actually making me warmer or not and above all else, although very clean - it's looks kinda gross and disgusting but not in a foul, stained, ickky way.

To make a point, I once sat late one evening just 2 winters ago in a park on a park bench by the river eating my kentucky fried chicken meal and washing it down with my pepsi whilst wearing this very top.

Now I have a very bad habit which goes along the lines of after I have eaten a hefty meal, I like to snooze and with a very full belly, I did just that as I sat upright on the bench, arms crossed, the novel I had been reading, "The white dragon" by anne macafferty, lay fitfully closed beside me and I was at peace ... almost.

Come just a few minutes later and there was a hand on my shoulder.

An old guy and a young, pretty thing were standing in front of me.

Cops ? I wondered.

No, worse ... Salvos.

There was food next to me - and a cuppa soup and a pair of great big ahhhh, warm smiles from the old guy and young chickybabe.

W..w..what ... oh...gidday, ummm ...

*looks blankly at them in turn*

" Easy son, we didn't mean to startle you, how are you tonight, we have some food for you here if you like."

*blinks at each in turn*

I've just had some KFC here - as you can see

*gestures towards box*

" Yes, we saw, but this is good, FRESH food, don't you want some" ?

The girl smiles broadly and nods looking at me eagerly and I wonder if maybe I should have shaved at some stage during my week long holiday... I was a tad scruffy but I was wearing a pierre cardin watch and wearing pierre cardin colonge and deoderant - I smelled bloody fantastic thankyou very much and had only showered a couple of hours before and brushed my teeth and used whitener ... god damn it - I was wearing near new nike runners !

Sure I was scruffy, but in a hot, sexy kinda way and he thought I had eaten out of the damn bin ???

You can't whack a salvo - god will get you for it if you try and besides, they really do care and do a damn good job, despite the insult I was feeling.

I explained my side of the story but they thought I was too proud to admit the truth, I told them I was being honest - this was my fav top is all and I hate shaving on my time off when I don't have to.

He still didn't believe me and now she had sat beside me with her arm on my shoulder in a sympathetic way.

I turned to her and asked her to be honest ...

"Do I smell like a bum" ? I asked.

She sniffed gingerly and then came much closer the second time to repeat the action as I smiled knowingly.

Knowingly because all the girls love pierre cardin, despite it being a scent aimed at the oldies.

Yep - sex on legs.

I pulled out my car keys, hit the unlock button and told them they were doing a great job, keep it up.

So next time you see a guy in a tatty shirt or footy jersey - full of holes and saggy from stretched fabric - he might be just like any other guy out there keeping things that his mother would have thrown away.

Don't believe me - even john travolta with his multimillions confessed to oprah that he sleeps in a 9 year old stretched tshirt full of holes (and nothing else).

Ask any man you know - we all do it ... have that one daggy item we are attached to.

Later friends.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 07:14:31 GMT

Dear allison,

Thankyou for your recent email regarding the pics I have of you on my space.

I understand that you would be upset by the attention you are getting for the reasons that you gave me and I apologise for thinking it was for commercial gains.

No doubt, I too would be slightly peeved and more than a little miffed if all of my so called friends were selling personal pics of me and hope that you find some better ones soon.

I did not purchase any of your pics and indeed, did not think to have you yourself contact me over their publishing to msn spaces - something that very few people take seriously mostly because uncle bill is a loser no matter how much money he has.

You asked me very nicely to remove them, and I have thought about it and felt that seeing you were not a turkey like most other girls I know ... (the ones that steal my food out of my fridge )

I have agreed to off them all - despite the fact that you have pulled in so very many hits for me ... thankyou for that. :)

Needless to say - as pretty as you are, I can't see the fuss myself and hope that you get your wish of obscurity asap.

Take care.

signed - runmaster.

ps : toodles

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 07:03:16 GMT

Recently, I saw something disturbing, a new trend which we all seem to be totally unaware of and it took comedy to show it to me.

I won't go into who foamy is, you either know of him or you don't but he is very wise and poignant.

He noticed that asian comedians would often take the piss out of both asians and white people and african comedy often took the mickey out of both whites and other africans, often playing the sides up against each other in exagerated sterotyping to get the comedy laughs.

It was then pointed out that gay people were in the same boat where they could laugh and joke at straight and gay people but us poor old white folk couldn't make fun of anybody but us white folk with the possible exception of the irish.

Before you get up in arms about that last comment - I'm part irish amongst many other things ... which seems by natural law to give me the right to mock and scoff as I very well please thankyou very much.

See - you just accepted that as a good excuse, didn't you ?

If I was a female, I'd be able to joke about girl issues and not seem insensitive ... if I was a gay female, I could jape about lesbians and gay guys as well as straight ones because it's well known that girls can talk about boys ... if I was a fat lesbian, I could throw in some jokes about fat people and truckers too ... but if I was a fat female lesbian that was half asian and half african ... then I could say anything at all and not worry about the consequences at all.

See how well that works ?

And you were worried.

Later friends.

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 03:35:12 GMT

Take a $1.00 coin and look at it intently for 30 minutes on both sides. Now take it and throw it in the bin. This action might seem strage and the chance is that you're feeling depressed at the thought of doing it but you might as well because that is what you do with a newspaper. Take it - pay for it - read it - toss it.

Chances are, you would never do this to a $1.00 coin.

What about other forms of cash ... ?

If you saw a .05 cent coin on the muddy ground, would you stoop to pick it up ?

What if it was a $1.00 coin or $2.00 coin ?

In that very public place, would you stoop over and reach down to the muddy ground where everyone can see you to pick that filthy coin up ?

Imagine that it was late at night, you were in a public loo which was very smelly and dirty because it doesn't work and is full of yucky stuff. You feel bad just because you have to pee into it ... but wait!

There suddenly you see a glimmer in the bowl and with a disgusted look over the rim, you realise that there are at least 50 $2.00 coins clogging up the loo.

$100.00 in all ... bare minimum ... late at night ... nobody will ever know ... nobody is around ... there is soap on the loo sink with water that works ... well ... would you do it ?

Somebody offers you money for sex ... people around you heard them make the offer ... it is a generous offer ... very generous ...

they seem clean ... well ?

What if it was from the one person you're really hot for, that one person that you always wanted to get with ... that secret flame, that famous person ... what if it was with them ?

Would it make a difference if nobody heard the offer and you knew nobody would ever find out ?

What if it was for a threesome or something kinky ?

What if it was an all out gangbang ?

What if they were all hot as hell and you knew for a fact they were clean ?

Would the money make a difference ?

You are offered more money than you can spend in a lifetime...

you have to kill someone though.

Would you kill them ?

What if the person was a killer ?

What if they were a mass pedophile murderer ?

Would you do it ?

What if you were told to kill them before they commited their terrible crimes ?

What if they had not yet done their evil and horrific things but there was no doubt that they would one day do these things ?

What would you do if you were faced with that when that horrible person was only 12 years old but you knew when they were 21, they would rape and torture and murder heaps of innocent victims.

Could you do it ?

What is the point to this entry ?

To show you that everything has a price, either financial or moral.

Later my friends.

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 23:03:45 GMT

Imagine if you will, that you were a female athlete in a sport that attracts very little attention ... unlike womens tennis which attracts millions of dollars in sponsorships and advertising and gets world wide coverage because those girls are super way fit and toned and like maria sharapova, make noisy orgasmic grunts on every serve and volley.

Enter Allison Stokke, the 18 year old pole vaulting hottie who is claiming that she is being treated like a nude porn star because every heartless blogger and website are using her photographs and pics to get more hits on their sites .... ( see photo album for an example ) lol.

Seriously though, this up and starting athlete - in super condition and looking very nice, has achieved world wide fame and popularity and super star status without actually doing anything professionally as of yet.

She is now being bombarded with lucrative multimillion dollar sportswear contracts and still, she whines... I should be so damn unlucky to have my pics posted all over the place the way she has.

I want this girls problem.

And to allison stokke - shut the hell up fool and ride the tide.

Later friends.

Additional -

Dear allison stokke,

Thankyou ... I know that you are unhappy with your fame and get upset at bloggers that have no shame in using your name and pics to draw in extra hits ... I want to say sorry.

Sorry that is, that I didn't do this earlier because damn girl, you're pulling me over 400 hits a day and that makes you more popular than angelina jolie naked and britney spears flashing her naughty bits again.

Ahhhhh ... there's alot to be said for being a bastard and I must say, not without it's own appeal. lol

laters friends.

Sun, 20 May 2007 02:40:28 GMT

The phone rings and surprise surprise if it isn't the delightful miss bop wanting me to take her shopping, which I have no problems with in saying yes.

But was this to be any ordinary trip ?

Oh no, not for the runmaster who after just 2 minutes of arriving, passes a young and leggy brunette on her way to her car in a short skirt.

Miss bop, being the way inclined that she is, also pauses to look.

"Oh my ! ", I exclaimed.

"hmmm ..." came the reply.

"Wait here for a moment" she said.

And wait we did.

This young thing had reached her car and dutifully started loading up the trunk seemingly oblivious that she was flashing her bare butt, amongst other equally if not more so, rude bits for she was not only in a small, tight skirt, it seems the unfortunate dear had forgotten her panties as well.

Poor thing, to have alzheimers at such a young age.

This was unsettling, not only was I unable to tear my gaze away in this very public place, but so was my female alter ego who by this time was snapping away with her mobile phone to entertain her girlfriend and their guest.

I detest mobiles myself, I hate being bugged when I'm out.

Okay, this girl was getting carried away, now making obviously exagerated efforts to get everything as far into the boot as possible and miss bop, seeing my discomfort and knowing that I suffered a problem when it came to breaking my ethics, reassured me with the words ...

"Don't worry, she wants us to see her, can't you tell ?"

WTF ?

It seemed true ... the girl in the skirt knew we were there and had no doubt that we were unable to avoid looking, which I must say that I did end up doing simply because I couldn't live with myself knowing that I didn't turn and walk away.

Miss bop took one more pic and fled after my retreating form and laughed the whole way.

Why do I find myself in these positions ?

What is it that you're expected to do in one of these situations ?

The thing that bugs me most about it was that I didn't walk away because of my ethics which were too shocked to kick in but because I didn't want to get all flustered knowing that there was nothing I could do about it later.

Well, nothing I want to discuss here anyway.

Why do women do this ?

YOU ARE ALL EVIL !

Yep, there's something to be said for staying at home and eating those triple choc cookies from arnott's premier chunky range in front of the television all day on a weekend.

For one thing, it's stress free.

Later friends.

In reply to the comment by eth - I was with a woman at the time who is not a partner but an obvious friend which means that looking at other women in a car park is forgivable as I am clearly not one of these strange little guys that run up to you in said carparks wearing a trenchcoat.

I would myself had not stayed to notice said leggy types display had the salacious miss bop not asked me to stop in the first place.

She was the oogler, not I.

(is that a word) ?

I madame, happen to be totally innocent ... as always.

In reply to tootypup - stop bagging yourself, you know how I feel about that.

Don't make me come over there and give you a piece of my mind and a good waggle of the finger with applied stern look on brow.

Oh deary me oh my oh yes indeedy missy.

Sat, 19 May 2007 08:21:30 GMT

Damnit !

It's all true of course.

Diet is die with a T and there simply is no escape from corporate advertising.

So there I was with my bestest mate watching spiderman 3 in the cinema with my apples and what do I get bombarded with ?

ADVERTS ...

Hmmmm, candy bar .... *Homer simpson type drool*

But I am glad to say that I stood fast.

I stood my ground and stuck to my apples.

I took my will and ... awwww, who am I trying to kid ?

I had a bag of chips and a large coke with some M&Ms peanut before the ads came to an end which is what the idea was I'm sure.

I had neither qualms nor compunctions about slurping noisily at the sugary goodness whilst nibbling through enough calories to bog an M1 tank into the mud.

And it was gooooooooood.

I still am unsure of some of the movie details because I buried my head into my munchies like a pig at a trough.

And do I feel guilty ?

Why would I ?

I'm not that flabby you know ... not yet anyway.

It was different when I was back home in the bush country.

We ate good meals and worked hard.

Sadly, my expedition that turned into a move into city life has made me a junk food junkie.

Waghhhhh !

Tune in again next week when I drown myself in diet shakes and lettuce leaves not to mention ... celery and carrot sticks.

Damn, I'm going to miss me when I'm gone.

Later friends.

Wed, 16 May 2007 10:42:27 GMT

INSTALLING HUSBAND

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0.

I noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance – particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, AFL 2.2, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command "http://www.I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta Version.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. It can also be quite difficult to update and rarely has any resale value. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 n Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

Post Script: Tech Support forgot that the conversion of Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 sometimes eliminates the Frequenthotsex 9.9 Module which can cause some of the difficulties experienced above.

Tue, 15 May 2007 12:06:50 GMT

Have you ever patted someones cat, one of the meandering moggies that really don't care who's doing the patting, as long as somebody's up for the task ?

They are suddenly and totally oblivious to their owners and are all over the kindly kitty scratcher and that's were they are baby, right there is where it's all going on and they love it.

Someone once told me to beware of smiling germans, who like cats ... are only ever nice when there is something in it for them.

Okies, I don't have that aspect to worry about in myself but the part about getting that scratch and pat with the adorning attention, I'm just a trailer trash bin moggy.

No, I don't want weirdos patting my head, or tickling my belly ...

with me, it's all about the attention.

When I flirt, play, chat candidly or do something oddly humourous, I'm in the zone and I love it.

Can't help wondering if this is how models feel.

No - I'm no model, lol - unless it's a model of rambunctious behavior ... a scamp ... a scoundrel ... call me what you will.

Just remember that this space is a part of that and here you are, stroking my ego.

lol

love it - love me .

ta.

later friends

Mon, 14 May 2007 03:41:19 GMT

Well, here I am again, ready for my regular check with doctor penelope and her limpid eyes of melting love.

*splashes on paco rabanne*

She has confesed that she is single and kinda looking but a little on the shy side I think.

*brushes hair in an attempt to make it look like I didn't*

Mew .... fancy a nice girl like that opening herself up to me of all people.

*rinses with mouthwash*

Needless to say, it's not like I fancy the girl or anything like that.

*slips on best watch*

I mean, seriously, if you knew me by nature, you'd know well and truly that as much as I like the girls, I seldom put up a chase because the last time I did that, I discovered that I had caught her and then sex reared it's ugly head and the whole thing was ruined by the breakup and I tend to avoid chickybabes now unless they're way gay and hence - safe.

*lip glosses lips*

I can't even tell you how fussy I am and how I have reached an evolution in my life where I can proudly say no to a girls advances without offending her which is very different to when I was just starting out in school where I must say that I was a complete tramp, but then, all little boys are.

So there you are, reading this and thinking that I must be either gay or bragging.

Mew ... neither really.

*checks teeth*

See, for me, there is something intrinsically fun in the flirting nature of guys and girls ... I like to flirt.

So is it wrong to flirt to the ends of the earth when you know that you have no intention of going further ?

A friend once said it's like having a competition with the sugestion of a fabulous prize to be won, when indeed there is nothing at all.

Alot of my closer friends, even the girls that are straight or bi, seem to understand that I have a flirty nature and nobody seems to be getting hurt.

Not that I'm away of anyways ... if you are reading this and are hurting by my nature of flirting, I wish you would say something ... mew.

Anyways - I'm off.

Later friends.

Sun, 13 May 2007 02:16:35 GMT

Wow ... am I full after eating my lunch of 2 hard boiled eggs.

Yum yum.

You can see that I am far from serious, can't you ?

I hate diets but sadly, my tight little body is starting to do things that it really shouldn't do and it may ( or may not ) have something to do with those pub crawls with my mates.

So there I was folks, making real food that wasn't powdered in a packet when my roomie comes over and the very next thing, I find myself embroiled in a debate over the way that adam alphamale was nothing but a henpecked husband who suffered greatly when he listened to his wife, eve havanana and got hurled out of the garden of eden and faced many sufferings since, the least of all is that some men still listen to their womenfolk despite the facts of history showing us that it only leads to grief.

So look, there's adam and along comes eve with the banana of good and evil because we all know that a banana is dead sexy in ways that an apple just isn't.

She tricked his ass by peeling the phallic fruit and therefore disguising it before shoving it down his wind hole as something new and yummy.

Apples look the same no matter how you cut them you see, but when you strip a banana naked, woohoo, it's a whole new party.

No way adam would have fallen for an apple, you can't disguise an apple, an apple is an apple no matter what and adam would have said no.

So what else ?

Helena of troy ...

In the days before soap and dunny paper, deep pore clensers and exfoliating gels and deoderants with antiperspirant protection - she was supposed to be a total little hottie to die for.

And die they did ... thousands of them, men ... men who didn't even know that she was the original miss thang that started the whole "it's all about me" generation that is so prevalent in women today.

I personally think that if the boys went out and left her to it, a clear message that we were not going to suffer just because you gals shot off on a wayward tangent would have gone rumbling down through the journals of historys pages and we'd all have it alot easier today.

Yep, you girls are wicked little things ... but all is forgiven.

Want to come over for coffee ?

Sat, 12 May 2007 13:27:48 GMT

How very odd.

I am an undefined event to this person and yet, I persist.

She is in her own world and I don't belong there, but every now and then, I am called upon to show some light and I do, despite the fact that I know it means little in the long run.

A smile.

I took a burden off of her and she smiled.

So why do I do it ?

That smile is a fleeting thing and I will always be there for that moment no matter how hard or unappreciated it gets because in that one instant, I know I have made a difference.

That's my worth you see.

I live to affect the lives of others and I like the impact when it happens.

I could get money ...

I have been offered food ...

From others, I have been offered a release which I always delcline because I know how messy things like that can get and how much it can change a friendship.

But with this one, it's different.

I don't know why it is, but I care about her deeply and look on her as a little sister, although she's not that far away in years.

I worry about her and help her where I can and to be honest, I miss her when she's not there.

Yep, no doubt about it, I need to get me a puppy.

Why ?

ummm, distraction ?

lol

<(oo)> later friends !

Wed, 09 May 2007 11:21:35 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, I have it.

I have figured it out.

All of you people out there that have ever lost out in a relationship, all of you that have suddenly found out the world has changed and you find that you are suddenly alone, all of you parents that had such great kids to wake up one day and find that those angels now don't listen to you anymore and their friends scare you, I know the reason why.

I have one reason.

To all of you who are busy, those of you that work, those of you that live your lives doing what you need to do.

Time.

Time is your enemy.

Why ?

There isn't enough of it you see.

We have a life to lead and to do that, we need time.

Time changes you, your life and one day, it will kill you.

One way or another.

We can't create time, as clever as we might be.

We say we are making time - but in fact, we are cheating.

We take time from one place and use it in another.

Work, Golf, Play, Friends .... Time.

When we cheat time, we take it from those near to us and use it on ourselves.

We are cheating.

Who are we cheating ?

You can't cheat on work - they won't miss you, if you don't do it, someone else will.

You are cheating on those that are close to you.

Ask me to hold a rock my love and I will hold it for you.

I am mentally willing to hold it forever because I love you.

But one day, my body will grow weak, and that rock will drop.

In spite of my will, my body will not let me carry that rock forever.

The rock will drop.

I will hold onto it forever.

The rock will drop and when some rocks drop, they will shatter and can never be put back together again.

When you ask me to understand your needs, you hand me a rock.

You are saying that you need this and I understand.

But the rock will drop.

You will hear when the rock drops and that is all that you will see.

The moment that the rock drops.

You will never see the events that lead up to that moment.

You will not see me hanging on to that rock as I struggle to hold onto it for you, to understand you.

You will never see the struggle as I start to collapse under the strain of holding that burden and the battle between my will and my physical abilities.

When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall father ... dear mother, can't you see what you have given me to hold as you work.

You said it has to be done when you go away, you asked for me to understand.

I love you and I will hold on.

I am weak, don't leave me holding this, it will break me.

When it falls, nothing will be the same again.

I put my heat and soul into holding that for you because you asked me to - my heart and soul.

I dropped it ... it is broken ... my heart and soul.

It has shattered and try as you might, it it different, it has been shattered and nothing will be the same again.

Your time with your job, your career, your friends, your time.

You cheated time and cheated me when you took your time from me.

Listen ...

There is no more to say if you do not already know.

Look at those that are close to you, take that burden and put it down and hold them, support them, they are tired.

Later friends.

Mon, 07 May 2007 09:59:26 GMT

Wonders of nature wallpapers

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Mon, 07 May 2007 09:51:32 GMT

VG Cats

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Thu, 17 May 2007 14:21:41 GMT

Things you should never say at a party

1....
So I told the doctor, "homicidal tendencies be damned, I'm not taking any more of these little blue pills."
2....
(After shaking everyones hand) I can't believe this rash I have on my genitals, the doctor said it was extremely contagious and I can't stop scratching it.
3...
I think I ran over your dog as I drove in ...
4....
Can you believe I have diorahea and worms ?
5....
You know, your wife gives me wood that a chainsaw couldn't cut.
6....
... your daughter isn't half bad either ...
7....
... when are you out of town next ?
8....
So are you a communist or a filthy facisist pig like everybody else here ?
9....
You better spray your bed tonight, I forgot to tell you that I have crabs before I sat on your bed during the tour of your house.
10...
That little hole that sucks water in your pool was a toilet for bathers, wasn't it ?
11...
My kid gets upset tummies very easily when he's nervous at other peoples houses.
12...
Hope you didn't mind me using your computer to download all that porn, but mine deleted the entire hard drive last time I was on those sites and I almost got raided by the police to boot.
13...
You're insured, right ?
14...
Wow ! Your bedroom looks heaps bigger when you're inside than it does from the bushes in your backyard
15...
(After the party in a sly voice) I'll be seeing you again ... you know ... later.

Sun, 13 May 2007 10:50:42 GMT

The poo list.

Ghost poo
You know you've done it, it's on the paper, but where the hell is it ?
Teflon poo
So slick that you didn't even feel it. There's no poo on the paper and you have to look to see if it actually happened. Can be confusing if it coincides with the ghost poo.
Indescisive poo
You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise there's more to come.
Weight watchers poo
You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.
Instamatic poo
You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there and it usually gets it's head out before you can get your pants down.
Kong poo
This one's so big you don't think it will go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger usually does the job. Another kind of poo that will usually happen in someone else's house.
Goo poo.
This one has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the bowl. Often happens when you're out at parties
Corky poo
Also known as 'floaters'. Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it ? Go AWAY !
Wet cheeks poo
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QEII soaking your butt.
Wish poo
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.
Bricks and mortar poo
It comes out in such a large, hard brick that you wish you had got an epidural injection before you pooed.
Pop a vein in your forehead poo
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you are all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Snake poo.
This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot long. Also known as a Mr. Whippy.
Morning after poo.
Happens the morning after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS ONE ... usually you're at someone else's house (often someone you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside the bathroom needing to use it.
Mexican poo.
Also called 'mexican screamers' or 'ring stingers'; you know it's safe to eat again when your arse stops burning.
TNT poo
This one explodes and deposits poo all round the bowl. Works best if you have been eating either sweetcorn or peanuts as it produces a nice pebble dashed effect.
Plaster poo
Much like the TNT poo, this one doesn't wait to explode into the bowl, it does it as soon as it's clear of the hole plastering your chute.

Mon, 07 May 2007 10:52:26 GMT

Things you shouldn't say in bed.

1...
This is your first time, isn't it ?
2...
My ex used to do it for me.
3...
Don't make too much noise, my mum is a light sleeper.
4...
It's okay, I'm sure you'll get better at it.
5...
Wow, you look really funny when you're naked.
6...
I get my results back tomorrow.
7...
Hey, you're almost as good as my last one.
8...
You woke me up for that ?
9...
Have you seen the remote control for the t.v ?
10...
Oh, don't mind that hum, it's just the camera.
11...
Do you take credit cards ?
12...
On second thoughts, maybe we should turn off the lights.
13...
And to think that I was really trying to pick up your friend.
14...
Crikey, I hope you still look this good when I'm sober.
15...
Try not to smear my make-up, okay.
16...
I want a baby.
17...
No really, I do this part better myself.
18...
That has got to be the freakiest thing I have ever seen.
19...
Did I tell you my grandma died in this bed last week ?
20...
Is that you or are there rotten potatoes under the bed ?
21...
Have you ever considered liposuction ?
22...
Now I hope you're not going to tell anyone we did this, are you ?
23...
I really hate it when people think that sex actually means something.
24...
Have you ever seen that movie - fatal attraction ?
25...
How long exactly do you plan to be "Almost there" ?

Mon, 07 May 2007 10:24:19 GMT

Messing up the pizza dude.

1...
Call a delivery only store and insist that you want to eat in.
2...
Using a touch phone, randomly press buttons while ordering and then in an irritated voice ask them to stop doing that.
3....
Make up a credit card number and ask them if they'll accept that - cheer wildly if they say yes.
4...
Terminate the call by saying - "Remember, we never had this conversation."
5...
Give them your address then exclaim - "Oh, just surprise me." Then hang up.
6...
Answer their questions with questions of your own.
7...
Stutter heavily on the letter 'P' and use it as often as you can.
8...
Say hello when they answer, wait 5 seconds and then act as if they called you.
9...
Rattle off your order with a determined air, when they ask if you want drinks or anything else with that, become disoriented and confused.
10...
Change your accent every 3 seconds.
11...
Try to rent a pizza.
12...
Ask if you get to keep the pizza box, heave a sigh of relief when they say yes.
13...
Doze off in the middle of the order, then catch yourself and say - "sorry,where was I ? Who are you again " ?
14...
Wonder out loud if you should trim your nose hair.
15...
Ask if the pizza has been organically grown or is it a genetically modified pizza with human D.N.A.
16...
Be as vague as possible with your order.
17...
Put them on hold and keep comming back to them every few seconds saying that you'll only be a moment.
18...
When listing the toppings that you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
19...
Make the first thing you order mushrooms and then continue with your order. Finish up by saying "No mushrooms" in a dire voice and hang up.
20...
When they repeat your order to you, correct them and change it slightly, when they repeat it again, change it slightly again. One the third attempt, say - "You just don't get it, do you" ?
21...
Haggle over the price.
22...
When they say - "will that be all" ? Reply with - " We'll find out, won't we", in a sly voice.
23...
Ask how many dolphins they murdered to make their seafood pizza.
24...
Avoid saying the word 'pizza', dance around it at all cost. If they say it, grimmace and tell them to please not say that word around you.
25...
Act as if you know the order taker from somewhere and that you have met on a few ocassions. If they are the opposite sex, tell them you have always had a crush on them then try to get your pizza for free or discounted.

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1_a_blackpanter

antelope canyon

Sun, 06 May 2007 05:52:30 GMT

My links page
A wonderful place to score a truckload of free stuff like emoticons, giffs, games and software.
My personal downloads site
Full of free software which are either hacked or totally freeware but all of good and trusted value. I trial new items for 3 months before adding it here to make sure it is good, honest and trouble free.
My Space
This is my games rant site where I whine alot in the hope that someone from the big companies will read it and take note - not that it will ever happen.